just between You and me

Dear Abba,

I’m remembering the crippled man that Jesus healed by the pool. He and I have a lot in common. I’ve always wondered about him. What happened to him afterward when he realized that leg muscles hurt, feet get dirty and cut, and he can’t make people carry him around anymore? Did he realize that miracles can only take him so far, and it’s the daily living of the healed that we would need You the most?

I’m certainly learning that. Now.

I’m not complaining— well, not now. You have put up with a lot my whining about this before, but, as always, You have been so patient. You know that I would get it sooner or later. I’m sorry for acting like I miss being crippled even after You have healed me. I find it really strange to miss that life, even if I know that I don’t want to go back to it anymore.

I am grateful that You have made me walk again.

So… where are we going?

Thank you for these times when I’m really tired, i find my rest in You.

And I can find You anywhere.

Oh Lord, I don’t know where to look. I don’t even want to open my eyes because I’ll see this… this horror, this inhumanity, this… I don’t know what to call it anymore. I just can’t wrap my mind around it.

Where are we going from here? Where are you taking us? We need You more than ever, when the people who are supposed to be in charge are failing.

Lord, my God, I know You’re here somewhere. I need to see You. We need to see you.

Let Your justice and righteousness reign, O God. We will wait on You.

“… we have no power against this great multitude that is coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.”
2 Chronicles 20:12

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For more on the Maguindanao massacre: here, here, here.

Whenever I catch a glimpse of the past in the light of the present, I cannot help but be grateful for how far You have taken me. Yes, there were some kicking and screaming episodes– even during those times when I should know better already. I’m glad you didn’t let me run away and let me learn that sometimes it’s braver to just stay.

And You’re here, with me. And I feel that awesome security of having You near.

I love you. You never let me go.