in every season

“All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.” (Desert Song)

I haven’t been feeling well for the past few weeks. My doctor told me (the last time I went to him because I’ve been getting sick a lot again), that I went to him last year, at around this time, with the same complaints as well. So we just put it down as a season of Stef getting sick for some reason or another. I’ve had blood tests and other tests that came out normal every time, so we still don’t know what’s causing this.

I’m just seeing this as another weightloss opportunity. hahaha.

Seriously though, some times I do worry about what’s happening to my body. I don’t like it that I don’t have much control over this matter. I have done what I can to stay healthy– vitamins, good eating choices, sleep, and regular exercise, but I still get sick.

Still, I know that in my weakness He is strong.

Last Tuesday, after a bout of stomach flu, I got up from my bed, attended Station One and was just grateful that I still had strength to lift up my hands and sing. I felt all the better for it.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26

sleep in the time of deadlines

despite my reputation for being an insomniac, and a person who “thrives on stress,” i’ve actually been putting in a  decent number of sleeping hours a night now. and it shows on my face, my temper (it’s better), and my outlook in life. it’s easier to get up early for work now, but unfortunately, i have yet to learn to sleep and still meet my deadlines… well, one thing at a time, eh? he he

I read in A Slice of Infinity about the Christian Vision Project wherein questions were raised as to how Christians can be counterculture for the common good. While the answers ranged from from becoming our own fiercest critics to experiencing life at the margins, from choosing wisely what to overlook and what to belabor to packing up and moving into the city. But there was one answer that stood out,

Author Lauren Winner, in her book Books & Culture, proposed: More sleep. She quickly admitted the curious nature of her retort. “Surely one could come up with something more other-directed, more sacrificial, less self-serving,” she wrote. Still, she carefully reasoned through the forces of culture that insist we give up an hour of sleep here, or two hours there–the grinding schedules, the unnerving stock piles of e-mail in need of responses, the early-taught/early-learned push for more and more productivity. Thus, Winner concluded, “It’s not just that a countercultural embrace of sleep bears witness to values higher than ‘the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desire for other things.’ A night of good sleep–a week, or month, or year of good sleep–also testifies to the basic Christian story of Creation. We are creatures, with bodies that are finite and contingent.” We are also bodies living within a culture generally terrified of aging, uncomfortable with death, and desperate for our accomplishments to distract us. “The unarguable demands that our bodies make for sleep are a good reminder that we are mere creatures,” Winner concludes. “[I]t is God and God alone who ‘neither slumbers nor sleeps.’”

This reminder was the final argument on whether Stef should get more sleep or not. I guess I’ve made time for everything else in my life, I should make time for rest too right? Sleeping has also taught me to make the most of my day, to wake up early to get things done early, so I can have more time to do the things I used to stay up late for (like read, and do my other articles, and hangout with my family, friends and myManu).

i guess it all boiled down to being confronted with the promise I made to myself and God at the start of 2008– and that’s not to worry, because I know that He’s in control. Good sleep is actually one of the biggest signs of a worry-free life. We can only do so much, but we can rest in the knowledge that our God can and does go beyond our limitations. I’m not saying that faith is an excuse to slack off, remember, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7).

But sleeping as an act of faith, who would’ve thought it?

my mom

my mom’s the most selfless person i know. yes, you can name several people famous for their service to humanity, but i see my mom’s service first hand.

i don’t think she knows how much i admire and appreciate her– it’s probably my fault. but i do watch her. i do learn from her.

my mom just gives, she doesn’t just give money– she gives herself. it’s her time, her talent, her resources, her heart. she missed the ’80s and a big chunk of the ’90s because of me and my siblings. she was so deep into raising us gremlins into civilized God-fearing human beings that all she knows from the music of the era is Kid’s Praise Kids, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Strawberry Shortcake… well, you get what i mean.

when we’ve grown up (well, grown bigger), and could take care of ourselves, in a way… she focused into church and ministry.

and i haven’t even mentioned how she deals with catankerous and belligerent old people.

she is a great example of how to be a wife and a mom.

i know better than to argue with her now.

i want to be like her when i grow up (but maybe with a lower voice… and a smaller waistline. hihihi)

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Proverbs 31:30

God uses cats

When I consider your heaven’s the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of  him, the son of man that you care for him? (Psalm 8:3-4)

These are two of my most favorite verses ever and still, everytime I read them, I’m still amazed at the implications posited bythe psalmist. “who am i?” that the creator of the inoverse would know my name, have set the path for my steps long before i was even born? that’s just so mind-boggling!

But then another clarity has been brought to my attention when I look to my side right now– where Merlin’s curled up by my arm on the bed. A few minutes ago, I kisseed him on the top of his head– he’s still smelly from the kennels at the vet, and he’s still quite scruffy. i recognized all that and still felt so much love for him that it even surprised me. i just spent thousands of pesos– my monthly retainer fee for the magazine i work for, actually– on him just to get him well, and i know that had it been for something else, i wouldn’t have been able to get myself to shell out that much cash.

and merlin’s just a cat! the most constructive thing he’s ever done was to catch an occassional mous. most of the time he ignores me– even runs away when i try to hug him. he eats my mom’s plastic plants, bothers us every meal for hand outs, and he scratches me all the time (not on purpose)– he’s even split my lip open twice already! and yet– whenever he does come willingly, sits at my feet, or beside me, whenever i’m sick or sad–or for whatever reason a cat has for giving occasional acts of affection– my heart just fills with joy.

i love him because he’s mine, and no matter what he does, i still love him– but that doesn’t mean I don’t discipline him whenever he does something bad. actually, one of the first words he learned was “no!” the other one was, “down!” it’s mostly when he’s eating the plastic plants or stealing food from the table.

and right there, i think, is a stef scale model of God’s love. i’m not saying that what i feel for the cat is all like God’s love, but for me, that’s a tangible hing of what it is. I love my cat because he’s mine– and it’s not because of the things he does or stand for.

God loves me because I am His. And I think I have an idea now of how much He loves me– I could just multiply how I feel about my cat to azillionth power, and then some. And if i think how overwhelming, surprising, and joyful it is right now– man, God’s love is just awesome! and i can take no credit for it– it’s all His.

Oh my God, Your love is much wider and higher than the heavens. Who am I? I am yours.

(from a journal entry January 10, 2008. Merlin just got home from the a six day confinement at the pet hospital when he got so sick he nearly died. Now, Merlin’s a big fat fuzzy cat who is a lot more mellow and affectionate than ever before. hihi).