in house

The gate is wide
The road is paved to moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
It’s safe and sound and
Until now it’s where I’ve been

The future’s wide open these days. A new President (even if I didn’t vote for him), new horizons, new opportunities, possibilities and responsibilities. I’m in a season where I’m in a place I know to be safe and secure, a perfect place to be when I’m recuperating from the last adventure and planning on jumping off to another one in the great wide somewhere. While it’s nice to be in the middle ground while I’m healing, I don’t want to waste my time playing it safe anymore.

Cause it’s been fear
That ties me down to everything
But it’s been love, Your love
That cuts the strings

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,” God’s Word declares. Oh to soar in the wind not be afraid to fall! It’s funny how I still get that slightly worried feeling whenever I do jump out in faith, even if I do know that God’s never let me down ever. I guess it’s only because I can never predict what He’ll do next. But whatever He does always turns out to be awesome. Anyway, where’s the courage in complete certainty? All I have to know is the one who loves me.

So long, status quo
I think I’ve just let go
You make me wanna be brave
The way it always was
It’s no longer good enough
You make me wanna be brave
Brave, brave

I want to be brave. I want to keep on moving forward, living in today, today, today, and leaving tomorrow in the hands of the One who knows what’s in store. All I need is the courage to make the next step after the last one. I can’t be happy with status quo when I know that the world and the universe and the One who made them is much bigger than I can ever comprehend. I want every minute to count knowing my God and everything and everyone through Him.

I am small
And I speak when I’m spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
To say Your name
Just Your name, and I’m ready to go
Even ready to fall

I will move forward in Your name, Your name alone. I know that not everything will be easy, and yes, I will fall. But with You, every fall is in forward-motion, and You are my healer. So I am willing to risk it all.

Why did I
Take this foul compromise
Why did I
Try to keep it all inside

I don’t know why I’m still afraid or nervous even after everything. I guess I’m just too aware of my own weaknesses and failures in the past to be completely confident. But God help me to move forward and be brave despite them.

I’ve never known a fire that didn’t begin with a flame
And every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if You believe in me
That changes everything

It all starts with one spark, one drop… being the first to step out can be lonely. When I look at just myself, I don’t believe that I can get anywhere (at least, not without blood. haha!), and I don’t see why I always find myself in situations where I’m in way over my head. It always takes a second for me to realize that the one who made and designed me knows what I am capable of, and believes that I would choose to swim even when it gets too deep and I can’t see the shore anymore.

I look back and see that in most cases, it’s because God has placed me in situations beyond what I know I could handle I find out what I am capable of– because He’s with me.

It’s amazing to realize that the God of the universe believes in you more than you believe in yourself.

Now what to do with that realization?

Be brave.

(Brave, Nichole Nordeman)

(Stef)

Here’s to a life of forward motion
Of big dreams and wider horizons,
Brave decisions,
and absolutions

Here’s to a love big enough to cover the world,
Here’s to second chances, even a third
Here’s to prayers heard
and everything answered.

Here’s to new beginnings,
stories worth the telling,
and patient waiting
for truth unfolding

Hi! How are you? I’m just posting this blog before I run off and get ready to get to work. Yes, I’m still in the house, but i’ve been up and working since 5:30am (four articles finished in 24 hours!). Yes, that’s what I did for the extra day in our weekend.

I have to confess, with all the work and traveling and gimmicks this weekend, I had a hard time sticking to the 60-60 experiment, but God did give me something to reflect on yesterday as I was wrestling with procrastination (internet is a black hole!!!) and it’s:

I’M THE ONE YOU ARE LIVING FOR.

Yes, that was my facebook status yesterday too. And it hit me hard. I’m living for God, right? So what am I doing procrastinating? If i was living for Him, shouldn’t I be striving for excellence in everything I do? My work is part of my witness to this world– just as my church and ministry are. Work is part of my worship and by coddling with procrastination, I’m just treating it as something unimportant and can be put off at the last minute and submit something half-baked as a result.

What does my work say about my God?

Anyway, something that I thought we should think about. It is my prayer that we do everything excellently because WE ARE LIVING FOR GOD and He deserves nothing less than the best. It doesn’t sound easy in theory, and it’s a lot harder living it out. Because I fail so much more than I succeed. Praise God that He has grace enough to forgive and to strengthen us beyond our limits.

So anyway… with my backlog done. I’m going to do my best not to procrastinate anymore. God’s been bugging me with it all this time, as if to tell me– how can I expect Him to do wonders in my life if I keep on letting myself be distracted by trivial things?! So yeah… more stuff to give up, more stuff to handle. But it’s all for Him.

Live today for God’s glory!

Last night, I saw my high school teacher’s Facebook status that no amount of self-hypnosis can make her like Mondays. It got me thinking that I used to love Mondays (because of certain pastor’s day off), but lately, Mondays have gone back to its old ways and habits that make me dread them again.

This morning, I was determined to like this Monday. I have a shoot this afternoon, a free lunch with Food Magazine, and I have a staff meeting this morning, and a free evening later that could turn out to be anything. But the Monday seems to be as equally determined to fight my happy perkiness by having a brownout at 4am, thereby ruining my plans of writing my article before I get to work, the ridiculous traffic all the way to Quezon City (it took me 2 hours and a half!), and an overdue article looming over my head.

But you know what? I still woke up singing (in my head) even as I was sweating. My cat is still sleeping beside me on the bed despite the heat, and that’s always a good way to make me smile. And I am reminded this morning of God’s consolation that brings joy to my soul (Psalm 94:18-19).

I texted some of my friends about seizing this Monday with rejoicing, including my highschool teacher who hates Mondays. I told her I’m trying to rekindle my joy for each day, despite the overwhelming circumstances. And she replied, “When you do, teach me how.”

So i’ve made up a step by step program to liking Mondays. I’m just making it up as I go along, but at least I’m road testing them already. hahahaha!

Step 1: Wake up singing. While this doesn’t come naturally, maybe with practice?

Step 2: Start with a declaration of praise, read your Bible (I like starting with Psalms in the day)

Step 3: Take a shower and dress your best!

Step 4: have a good breakfast ala carte! (from my friend Liza)

Step 5: smile. smile. and keep on singing!

Step 6: Keep in touch with God the whole day

Step 7: Make the most of every opportunity to make this day better for other people

Step 8: Always find something to be grateful about

Ok…. that’s it so far. But try it! If you have anymore suggestions on how to turn a Monday to an awesome day, leave it on the comment box below.

I hope you guys have an awesome great Monday with our awesome great God. May you be overwhelmed by His grace and extravagant love!

“When the earth goes topsy-turvy And nobody knows which end is up,
I nail it all down, I put everything in place again. .”
(Psalm 75:3, The Message)

I was dreaming that I wore a magical scarf that made everything be delayed for a couple of seconds after I’ve already done something– like whenever I would turn my head, it took my vision another second to be yanked into place. When I woke up and turned on my side, the feeling of having to yank the world along with me was still there. I sat up and the world started buckling under me and I recognized it– “uh, oh… I’m too young to get vertigo!”

It took me a while to stop yelling like I was in a roller coaster every time the world spins with every turn of my head. It must’ve been annoying to my sister who had to put up with me whoo-ing in her room while I held my hands over my eyes. My friend asked me if I think this has anything to do with the 60-60 experiment, and I said, why not? I don’t know what it’s all about yet, but God let it happen, so like in everything else, I’m going to trust Him with this.

I laughed when my Bible reading for that day took me to Psalm 75: 3: “When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm.” And I laughed even more when I saw The Message version of the same verse. God, I love it when Your word is so spot on at the very moment I need it.

On a different note:

I got to clean out my closet and found out how much clothes I actually have! I have three big garbage bags full of stuff to donate to the SAM garage sale, and funny enough, I still don’t have enough organized space in my closet for the clothes left over.

I have way too many tank tops and exercise clothes– and how many times do I go to the gym in a week? I have so many dressy tops, but I’ve been wearing dresses lately. Most of my jeans don’t fit anymore (they’re too big on me. naks!). I still don’t have space for my shoes. I’m running out of hanging space for my dresses and jackets. I think I still need to let go of more things– and that goes for the other things in my life. I’ve always seen my room as a metaphor of my life. I guess that much hasn’t changed.

i was a zombie at work yesterday (kahiya), still recovering from last week. I’ll blog about my marvelous week soon.

For the meantime, I want to tell you guys that I’m going on the 60-60 Experiment. I stumbled upon a book called Soul Revolution last week in OMF and browsed through it, getting that feeling that I usually do when I know I should get the book. Anyway, I bought it last night and just started on it before stopping to send you an invite to join me.

See, I’ve been a Christian all my life (and became a Christ-follower as well when I was eight years old) and every day since then has been a great and awesome journey. Well, I’m nearly thirty now (grabe no?) and I’ve seen God do wonders in my life and in other people’s lives as well. Every day, God’s been showing me just how much bigger He is compared to my concept of BIG (and I thought I already thought He’s BIG). Well, I want to see how much BIGGER He could get  but stepping it up with my faith even a bit more.

Anyway, I’m inviting you guys to do it with me. Can’t go on an awesome journey by myself right? Check out the website for more information on the 60-60 Experiment and let me know. I’ll be updating my blog as I go along, but it would be great to have some people with me so we can swap stories. Leave a comment and a link to your blog if you have decided to commit to this.

For the people who miss Truth Thursdays, I’ll be posting the questions and insights on Thursdays in lieu of our tradition so you can hop in.

Ready?

I’ll be gone for a youth camp I’m helping out in Union Church over the Holy Weekend. I wasn’t supposed to say yes to it anymore because I just wanted to get some rest, but after talking to the camp director, I just realized that I had to do it. She said that she believes I could teach these kids about service, by showing them at the camp how it is to serve. I’m not going to speak at a session, but I’m going to lead by example.

I wanted to tell her that she’s got the wrong girl. That all I wanted in the world is to just sit on my butt and have everything brought over to me. I want to be the center of attention every time. I want to be taken care of. I want a driver to drive me around. I want a man to worship the ground that I walk on. I want everything to come easy and fast so I wouldn’t have to work or wait.

Even as I am writing this, I know how wrong that sounds. Hahaha. I guess that’s why I said yes to the camp. I guess I have a lot to learn about being a servant too– by being one, and by being accountable to the dozen+ volunteers that I’m supposed to supervise in the three day camp. So I suppose that’s why I said yes.

Right now, I’m thinking about Jesus, who, in the night when all the authority of heaven has been given to him, took a towel, wrapped it around his waist and knelt down to wash his disciples’ feet. The Son of God doing the lowliest of the tasks for a servant–a job nobody wanted to do– to show His disciples that this how they should be to one another. (John 13: 1-20)

This is His brand of love. And the world would know that we are his disciples by how we love each other. Pride and arrogance will tear us apart, the desire to be recognized for our service is going to ruin us. But Jesus’ love builds each other up.

Of course, it’s not literally washing each others’ feet. But it’s the spirit of humility and willingness to put others first before ourselves. It doesn’t look good most of the time, and the world’s not going to understand it, but this is how it is. We are not performing for the world (even if we do know that they’re watching us), but we’re serving God. We can’t just look the part, we have to be it.

I guess what I want to say is that I pray that we Christians would take on the heart of a servant. To be willing to go the extra mile for each other and others, to go beyond our comfort zones to reach out to people. To be the solution. To serve, even when nobody is watching.

I know that it feels good to be recognized by what we do. The applause and standing ovation is cool. The accolades are just super. But that’s not what Jesus called us to.

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works,
which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Eph. 3:10)

Just think of our Father in Heaven, smiling at us as we go about the work of the Kingdom here. There may be no medals in the immediate future, I just want one thing– that when it’s time for me to go home and stand before Him, I would hear my Father say, “Well done.” That would be more than enough for me.

(from John 5:1-8)

Do you remember the time when Jesus healed the crippled man who had been sitting by the pool at the Sheep Gate nearly all his life? The pool where all the invalids (the blind, crippled, the paralyzed) hung out in case an angel stirs the pool and the first one to jump in will be healed? Jesus came along and saw a crippled man lying there and asked him if he wanted to get well. I noticed that he didn’t exactly say, “Yes! Please heal me!” or “I believed that you can heal me Jesus!” It was more like, “Well, I could’ve been healed a long time ago, but I have nobody to help me get up to jump into the pool when the water is stirred, so somebody else gets healed instead…”

Funny how even if he didn’t know who Jesus was, he didn’t really answer his question and instead gave a summary of the hopeless situation he was in– that if the universe hadn’t conspired against him, everything would have been fine. Are we like that when faced with a dire situation? How many times has God asked us if we need any help and we reply and just point out the hopelessness of our situation, forgetting that we’re talking to A REALLY POWERFUL GOD.

I remember last year, I had just given up on the possibility of going to my best friend’s wedding in Michigan because I simply did not have money nor enough time to save up for it. While walking, a voice in my head just said, “If you really wanted to go that much, why didn’t you ask me?” and I was like, “Oo nga no, Lord?!” I said sorry right then and there, and asked if I could go. I went to my parents next and asked them if I could go, and they both said, “Of course you should go! He’s your best friend!” And they gave me money for the ticket and added to what I saved for my pocket money. So all I had to do was to stop moping about how I could’ve gone had I had more time to prepare, if my job paid more– and just ask God!

Of course, this doesn’t happen all the time, but, you know, it never hurts to ask in faith that God can and will give us what we need when we need it (or him/her haha!). I really believe that it’s a mercy that God doesn’t answer all our prayers. He’s the only one who sees the whole picture after all.

Another thought about the crippled man who was told to get up: I wonder how long it took for him to get used to using his legs again.He left Jesus rejoicing. And Jesus, upon bumping into him later, admonished him to stop sinning, now that he’s been healed. I wonder, did he wake up every morning grateful that he can walk or did Jesus’ admonition weigh heavily in his heart? Was he still grateful that he could walk even after the muscles hurt for a while? I wonder if he swore every time his knee would bump something or he stub his toe. Was he still grateful that he could walk even if he had to work for a living now, and walk everywhere now unlike before when people had to carry him around? One thing about being healed is that you’re not as weak as you were before, people don’t cut you any more slack and expect more from you now.

Funny that, I was just thinking that I can’t use the fact that my boyfriend had just broken up with me as an excuse so people would cut me some slack at work or at church or at home anymore. Because people could see– and I know– that I’m really more than fine. And it’s all because of God. Mahiya na lang ako if I still pretend that I’m still not fine just so I could get special treatment, after all that, right?

So what has God healed you from? What are the chains that He has broken to set you free? Whenever hard times come, always be grateful that He has given you the strength to withstand them and to grow from there.

⁶When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

⁷“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

⁸Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

John 5:6-8 (NIV)

“All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.” (Desert Song)

I haven’t been feeling well for the past few weeks. My doctor told me (the last time I went to him because I’ve been getting sick a lot again), that I went to him last year, at around this time, with the same complaints as well. So we just put it down as a season of Stef getting sick for some reason or another. I’ve had blood tests and other tests that came out normal every time, so we still don’t know what’s causing this.

I’m just seeing this as another weightloss opportunity. hahaha.

Seriously though, some times I do worry about what’s happening to my body. I don’t like it that I don’t have much control over this matter. I have done what I can to stay healthy– vitamins, good eating choices, sleep, and regular exercise, but I still get sick.

Still, I know that in my weakness He is strong.

Last Tuesday, after a bout of stomach flu, I got up from my bed, attended Station One and was just grateful that I still had strength to lift up my hands and sing. I felt all the better for it.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26

despite my reputation for being an insomniac, and a person who “thrives on stress,” i’ve actually been putting in a  decent number of sleeping hours a night now. and it shows on my face, my temper (it’s better), and my outlook in life. it’s easier to get up early for work now, but unfortunately, i have yet to learn to sleep and still meet my deadlines… well, one thing at a time, eh? he he

I read in A Slice of Infinity about the Christian Vision Project wherein questions were raised as to how Christians can be counterculture for the common good. While the answers ranged from from becoming our own fiercest critics to experiencing life at the margins, from choosing wisely what to overlook and what to belabor to packing up and moving into the city. But there was one answer that stood out,

Author Lauren Winner, in her book Books & Culture, proposed: More sleep. She quickly admitted the curious nature of her retort. “Surely one could come up with something more other-directed, more sacrificial, less self-serving,” she wrote. Still, she carefully reasoned through the forces of culture that insist we give up an hour of sleep here, or two hours there–the grinding schedules, the unnerving stock piles of e-mail in need of responses, the early-taught/early-learned push for more and more productivity. Thus, Winner concluded, “It’s not just that a countercultural embrace of sleep bears witness to values higher than ‘the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desire for other things.’ A night of good sleep–a week, or month, or year of good sleep–also testifies to the basic Christian story of Creation. We are creatures, with bodies that are finite and contingent.” We are also bodies living within a culture generally terrified of aging, uncomfortable with death, and desperate for our accomplishments to distract us. “The unarguable demands that our bodies make for sleep are a good reminder that we are mere creatures,” Winner concludes. “[I]t is God and God alone who ‘neither slumbers nor sleeps.’”

This reminder was the final argument on whether Stef should get more sleep or not. I guess I’ve made time for everything else in my life, I should make time for rest too right? Sleeping has also taught me to make the most of my day, to wake up early to get things done early, so I can have more time to do the things I used to stay up late for (like read, and do my other articles, and hangout with my family, friends and myManu).

i guess it all boiled down to being confronted with the promise I made to myself and God at the start of 2008– and that’s not to worry, because I know that He’s in control. Good sleep is actually one of the biggest signs of a worry-free life. We can only do so much, but we can rest in the knowledge that our God can and does go beyond our limitations. I’m not saying that faith is an excuse to slack off, remember, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7).

But sleeping as an act of faith, who would’ve thought it?