in house

“We are bruised and broken masterpieces,
but we did not paint ourselves.
And where will I find you?”
(Jon Foreman, “The Economy of Mercy”)

On Genesis 28:10-22

Can you imagine being stripped of everything that you own that all you have is a rock for a pillow? At one point in his life, Abraham’s grandson Jacob found himself without everything that he had except for the clothes on his back, running for his life (because his brother wanted to take that too.).  Admittedly, it was his fault (with the encouragement of his mom) that he had to run. Suddenly, this momma’s boy is without a mom, running in the wilderness (without survival skills), and running out of hope.

Tired and alone, Jacob took a rock and used it for a pillow to sleep. It was dark and he was probably thinking of all the predators that could kill him as he slept, but he was just too tired to care. I have no idea what was going through his head when he did that (the passage didn’t say), was he crying? Was he beating himself up for pulling that stupid trick on his dad (what could he do the first-born blessing if he was already dead, anyway?)? Did he miss his mom? Was he practicing what he would say to his brother if ever Esau catches up to him?

Whatever they were, Jacob fell asleep and he had one of the most famous dreams in the Bible: Angels going up and down a ladder from heaven reaching earth. “And the Lord stood above it and said: I am the Lord God of Abraham your father and the God of Isaac… Behold I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have spoken to you.” (Gen. 28:13-15)

And Jacob woke up from his sleep and said, “The Lord is in this place and I did not know it!” (Gen. 28:16)

And if you read through Genesis, you can see that God did pull through for Jacob–even as Jacob wasn’t perfect in his righteousness and faithfulness at all throughout everything, God still remained faithful and true to His word.

It’s funny (well, not really) how I’ve been talking to a lot of people and I’m noticing a trend– not all of us are having an easy time these days. Some of us are discouraged, uncertain, lonely and verging on depression. The future looks uncertain from where we stand. And while we are far from having a stone for a pillow, we feel like that we’re in a dark place right now and wolves are lurking about waiting to tear us apart.

But let’s take our cue from Jacob who still found it in him to sleep, to rest even when nothing is comfortable. Sleeping left him vulnerable to all the dangers out there, but for a man at the end of his rope, he still got to sleep. I’m not saying you should sleep when you have to be at work, but REST. Be at peace. And there, like in Jacob’s dream, God reveals Himself to be with you still, will keep you wherever you may go and will not leave you until His work is finished with you.

Happy Monday guys. The Lord is with you.

“Oh Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth

The thrill of of hope
The weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!”

Wow, Christmas is literally fast approaching. Seriously, it just took me by surprise that it’s this Sunday already! And the week after that, it’s the New Year! Do you remember the time when Christmas couldn’t get here fast enough, that those presents under the tree seem to have been teasing you forever. (Confession: when I was a kid, I peeked into my presents. I have mastered the art of taking the tape off without ripping the paper and putting it back without anybody noticing–at least, that’s what I thought!). Sometimes I got exactly what I wanted, other times, not exactly.

We’re not the only ones who have waited for Christmas in great anticipation. Before Christ, believers of his coming have waited and generations died waiting for the Messiah to come. Yet people believed and kept watch. Until finally, at the appointed time, Jesus was born to a virgin and the world who had been waiting didn’t even know it was him because they were expecting someone different– a king, a warrior, someone who will free Israel from the Roman Empire and reestablish the country in its former greatness.

But instead, they got a baby in a manger. A carpenter. A man who walked on water. A man who healed and brought the dead back to life. The man who hung out with sinners and tax collectors. A man who didn’t condemn but forgave sins. A man who is the Son of God. A man who claimed that He and His Father are one. A man who didn’t say anything and was crucified. A man who rose from the dead.

We’re all waiting for a lot of things, answer to our prayers, we expect great things from our God, but sometimes, most of the time, God’s concepts of time and greatness differ from ours  that when He finally does answer our prayers, we don’t recognize it because we’re expecting something (or someone) sooner and something (someone) else. My prayer for all of us this Christmas is that we’ll set our hearts not on the things of this world, but on things above. For us to delight ourselves in the Lord and He’ll give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4), so we’ll know and recognize God’s answers to our prayers when they come.

One of my favorite parts of the Christmas story (although it’s rarely mentioned because it’s later on after the manger scene) is when Mary and Joseph took Jesus to the temple in Jerusalem to present him to the Lord, and there’s a man there named Simeon, who had been waiting for the Messiah everyday of his life. The Holy Spirit revealed to Him that He would not die before He had seen the Lord’s Messiah. Then one day, he saw Jesus. There must have been so many people at the Temple that day to present their babies, but Simeon was so in tuned to the Holy Spirit that he found Jesus, and when he did, he praised God, saying:

“Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you may now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all nations: a light for revelation to the Gentiles and the glory of your people Israel.” (Luke 2:29-32)

May we have the eyes to see and the ears to hear the glory of God revealed this Christmas and in all the days to come!

Merry Godspotting, you guys.

I was really blessed by our sermon series this month at church about life verses. I loved that I got to hear the stories of the people in our leadership and how the Word of God has worked powerfully in their lives. It also got me thinking about my own life verse, and how its meaning and application in my life has evolved throughout the years as I myself had evolved.

So here’s my life verse:

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor. 12: 9-10)

When I first encountered this verse, I was a depressive insecure teenager with a crippling low self-esteem. I loved God and I was a Christian already even then, but for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why I was feeling like the world was crashing around my ears all the time. I felt like I was the worst Christian ever, and I didn’t know how God could ever use a zero like me. I was angsty and suicidal, but being a Christian, I fought against those thoughts and just gritted my teeth as I went through each day. I was ashamed to ask for professional help (or any help) because what would they say about a Christian depressive– what would that say about the God whom I loved so much?! I felt like this pretty much until the end of my 20s even if I had gotten better at hiding my depression from other people throughout the years. I kept people at a distance because I felt (and some experiences had proved it true) that if people really know how pathetic the real Stef was, they wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.

This verse was my lifeline throughout that time. It assured me that my God, despite all my shortcomings, still can do something good and great. And when I am weak (which I was– and am still– all the time) He is strong. It gave my–what I had thought back then–pathetic life meaning and purpose.

Eventually, the depressive episodes stopped coming (just as I was about to turn 30), and I was amazed at how freed I felt. When you’ve been living with the heavy burden of depression all your life, that’s all you know, and when it’s gone, it’s amazing to find just how light and bright life actually is!

This is still my life verse, and, while I know that I’m still far from perfect, the awareness of my own weaknesses and shortcomings is no longer burdensome, but rather a blessing. I see them as an opportunity for God’s grace to be shown to its fullest extent– in-house Godspotting! While I know that God can leverage my strengths for His glory (now that I am aware that I do have strengths), I still don’t have any qualms about Him working through my weaknesses more.

Although, I have to admit that I still pray that I would be really great and be the best writer, the best managing editor, be rich and famous (or marry a rich and famous man), and for that specter of my old thorn in the flesh to go away (my emotional instability), I’m still grateful that God doesn’t give me all that I ask for and instead tells me, “My grace is sufficient for you.” Because witnessing God’s all-sufficient grace completing my weaknesses and lack is worth all the trouble that they sometimes get me into.

So take heart, you. God’s grace is always enough.

Happy Birthday to the best father in the world in the world Manny Juan! He has set such a high bar for all the men in our life, and we are so blessed to have him as our daddy.

My dad comes from a rare breed of men who fears and loves the Lord. He adores my mom, and he tirelessly protects, provides and cares for his family before himself. On top of that, he is really cool and has a quirky sense of humor! He also has great taste in clothes and shoes!

I love you, Daddy! Happy Birthday!

“Why am I doing this, really?” Andy Stanley has urged us to ask ourselves while facing the mirror, and to answer that question honestly.

I’ve been asking myself that a lot these days. Actually, for a whole year already, since I made the move to WinMakati. Especially now, with all the things I have volunteered to take on, I’m really wondering is it because I’m just stupid and activity-addicted this way, or is it something else?

What am I trying to prove? To myself, to others… to God?

“Every faculty you have, your power of thinking or of moving your limbs from moment to moment is given to you by God. If you devoted every moment of your whole life exclusively to His service, you could not give Him anything that was not in a sense His own already. So that when we talk of a man doing anything for God or giving anything to God, I will tell you what it is really life. It is like a small child going to His father and saying, “Daddy, give me a sixpence to buy you a birthday present.” Of course, the father does, and he is pleased with the child’s present. It is all very nice and proper, but only an idiot would think that the father is sixpence to the good of the transaction. When a man has made these two discoveries, God can really get to work. It is after this that real life begins. The man is awake now…” (C.S. Lewis)

*breathes*

The gate is wide
The road is paved to moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
It’s safe and sound and
Until now it’s where I’ve been

The future’s wide open these days. A new President (even if I didn’t vote for him), new horizons, new opportunities, possibilities and responsibilities. I’m in a season where I’m in a place I know to be safe and secure, a perfect place to be when I’m recuperating from the last adventure and planning on jumping off to another one in the great wide somewhere. While it’s nice to be in the middle ground while I’m healing, I don’t want to waste my time playing it safe anymore.

Cause it’s been fear
That ties me down to everything
But it’s been love, Your love
That cuts the strings

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,” God’s Word declares. Oh to soar in the wind not be afraid to fall! It’s funny how I still get that slightly worried feeling whenever I do jump out in faith, even if I do know that God’s never let me down ever. I guess it’s only because I can never predict what He’ll do next. But whatever He does always turns out to be awesome. Anyway, where’s the courage in complete certainty? All I have to know is the one who loves me.

So long, status quo
I think I’ve just let go
You make me wanna be brave
The way it always was
It’s no longer good enough
You make me wanna be brave
Brave, brave

I want to be brave. I want to keep on moving forward, living in today, today, today, and leaving tomorrow in the hands of the One who knows what’s in store. All I need is the courage to make the next step after the last one. I can’t be happy with status quo when I know that the world and the universe and the One who made them is much bigger than I can ever comprehend. I want every minute to count knowing my God and everything and everyone through Him.

I am small
And I speak when I’m spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
To say Your name
Just Your name, and I’m ready to go
Even ready to fall

I will move forward in Your name, Your name alone. I know that not everything will be easy, and yes, I will fall. But with You, every fall is in forward-motion, and You are my healer. So I am willing to risk it all.

Why did I
Take this foul compromise
Why did I
Try to keep it all inside

I don’t know why I’m still afraid or nervous even after everything. I guess I’m just too aware of my own weaknesses and failures in the past to be completely confident. But God help me to move forward and be brave despite them.

I’ve never known a fire that didn’t begin with a flame
And every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if You believe in me
That changes everything

It all starts with one spark, one drop… being the first to step out can be lonely. When I look at just myself, I don’t believe that I can get anywhere (at least, not without blood. haha!), and I don’t see why I always find myself in situations where I’m in way over my head. It always takes a second for me to realize that the one who made and designed me knows what I am capable of, and believes that I would choose to swim even when it gets too deep and I can’t see the shore anymore.

I look back and see that in most cases, it’s because God has placed me in situations beyond what I know I could handle I find out what I am capable of– because He’s with me.

It’s amazing to realize that the God of the universe believes in you more than you believe in yourself.

Now what to do with that realization?

Be brave.

(Brave, Nichole Nordeman)

(Stef)

Here’s to a life of forward motion
Of big dreams and wider horizons,
Brave decisions,
and absolutions

Here’s to a love big enough to cover the world,
Here’s to second chances, even a third
Here’s to prayers heard
and everything answered.

Here’s to new beginnings,
stories worth the telling,
and patient waiting
for truth unfolding

Hi! How are you? I’m just posting this blog before I run off and get ready to get to work. Yes, I’m still in the house, but i’ve been up and working since 5:30am (four articles finished in 24 hours!). Yes, that’s what I did for the extra day in our weekend.

I have to confess, with all the work and traveling and gimmicks this weekend, I had a hard time sticking to the 60-60 experiment, but God did give me something to reflect on yesterday as I was wrestling with procrastination (internet is a black hole!!!) and it’s:

I’M THE ONE YOU ARE LIVING FOR.

Yes, that was my facebook status yesterday too. And it hit me hard. I’m living for God, right? So what am I doing procrastinating? If i was living for Him, shouldn’t I be striving for excellence in everything I do? My work is part of my witness to this world– just as my church and ministry are. Work is part of my worship and by coddling with procrastination, I’m just treating it as something unimportant and can be put off at the last minute and submit something half-baked as a result.

What does my work say about my God?

Anyway, something that I thought we should think about. It is my prayer that we do everything excellently because WE ARE LIVING FOR GOD and He deserves nothing less than the best. It doesn’t sound easy in theory, and it’s a lot harder living it out. Because I fail so much more than I succeed. Praise God that He has grace enough to forgive and to strengthen us beyond our limits.

So anyway… with my backlog done. I’m going to do my best not to procrastinate anymore. God’s been bugging me with it all this time, as if to tell me– how can I expect Him to do wonders in my life if I keep on letting myself be distracted by trivial things?! So yeah… more stuff to give up, more stuff to handle. But it’s all for Him.

Live today for God’s glory!

Last night, I saw my high school teacher’s Facebook status that no amount of self-hypnosis can make her like Mondays. It got me thinking that I used to love Mondays (because of certain pastor’s day off), but lately, Mondays have gone back to its old ways and habits that make me dread them again.

This morning, I was determined to like this Monday. I have a shoot this afternoon, a free lunch with Food Magazine, and I have a staff meeting this morning, and a free evening later that could turn out to be anything. But the Monday seems to be as equally determined to fight my happy perkiness by having a brownout at 4am, thereby ruining my plans of writing my article before I get to work, the ridiculous traffic all the way to Quezon City (it took me 2 hours and a half!), and an overdue article looming over my head.

But you know what? I still woke up singing (in my head) even as I was sweating. My cat is still sleeping beside me on the bed despite the heat, and that’s always a good way to make me smile. And I am reminded this morning of God’s consolation that brings joy to my soul (Psalm 94:18-19).

I texted some of my friends about seizing this Monday with rejoicing, including my highschool teacher who hates Mondays. I told her I’m trying to rekindle my joy for each day, despite the overwhelming circumstances. And she replied, “When you do, teach me how.”

So i’ve made up a step by step program to liking Mondays. I’m just making it up as I go along, but at least I’m road testing them already. hahahaha!

Step 1: Wake up singing. While this doesn’t come naturally, maybe with practice?

Step 2: Start with a declaration of praise, read your Bible (I like starting with Psalms in the day)

Step 3: Take a shower and dress your best!

Step 4: have a good breakfast ala carte! (from my friend Liza)

Step 5: smile. smile. and keep on singing!

Step 6: Keep in touch with God the whole day

Step 7: Make the most of every opportunity to make this day better for other people

Step 8: Always find something to be grateful about

Ok…. that’s it so far. But try it! If you have anymore suggestions on how to turn a Monday to an awesome day, leave it on the comment box below.

I hope you guys have an awesome great Monday with our awesome great God. May you be overwhelmed by His grace and extravagant love!

“When the earth goes topsy-turvy And nobody knows which end is up,
I nail it all down, I put everything in place again. .”
(Psalm 75:3, The Message)

I was dreaming that I wore a magical scarf that made everything be delayed for a couple of seconds after I’ve already done something– like whenever I would turn my head, it took my vision another second to be yanked into place. When I woke up and turned on my side, the feeling of having to yank the world along with me was still there. I sat up and the world started buckling under me and I recognized it– “uh, oh… I’m too young to get vertigo!”

It took me a while to stop yelling like I was in a roller coaster every time the world spins with every turn of my head. It must’ve been annoying to my sister who had to put up with me whoo-ing in her room while I held my hands over my eyes. My friend asked me if I think this has anything to do with the 60-60 experiment, and I said, why not? I don’t know what it’s all about yet, but God let it happen, so like in everything else, I’m going to trust Him with this.

I laughed when my Bible reading for that day took me to Psalm 75: 3: “When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm.” And I laughed even more when I saw The Message version of the same verse. God, I love it when Your word is so spot on at the very moment I need it.

On a different note:

I got to clean out my closet and found out how much clothes I actually have! I have three big garbage bags full of stuff to donate to the SAM garage sale, and funny enough, I still don’t have enough organized space in my closet for the clothes left over.

I have way too many tank tops and exercise clothes– and how many times do I go to the gym in a week? I have so many dressy tops, but I’ve been wearing dresses lately. Most of my jeans don’t fit anymore (they’re too big on me. naks!). I still don’t have space for my shoes. I’m running out of hanging space for my dresses and jackets. I think I still need to let go of more things– and that goes for the other things in my life. I’ve always seen my room as a metaphor of my life. I guess that much hasn’t changed.