Archive for November, 2011

I was really blessed by our sermon series this month at church about life verses. I loved that I got to hear the stories of the people in our leadership and how the Word of God has worked powerfully in their lives. It also got me thinking about my own life verse, and how its meaning and application in my life has evolved throughout the years as I myself had evolved.

So here’s my life verse:

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor. 12: 9-10)

When I first encountered this verse, I was a depressive insecure teenager with a crippling low self-esteem. I loved God and I was a Christian already even then, but for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why I was feeling like the world was crashing around my ears all the time. I felt like I was the worst Christian ever, and I didn’t know how God could ever use a zero like me. I was angsty and suicidal, but being a Christian, I fought against those thoughts and just gritted my teeth as I went through each day. I was ashamed to ask for professional help (or any help) because what would they say about a Christian depressive– what would that say about the God whom I loved so much?! I felt like this pretty much until the end of my 20s even if I had gotten better at hiding my depression from other people throughout the years. I kept people at a distance because I felt (and some experiences had proved it true) that if people really know how pathetic the real Stef was, they wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.

This verse was my lifeline throughout that time. It assured me that my God, despite all my shortcomings, still can do something good and great. And when I am weak (which I was– and am still– all the time) He is strong. It gave my–what I had thought back then–pathetic life meaning and purpose.

Eventually, the depressive episodes stopped coming (just as I was about to turn 30), and I was amazed at how freed I felt. When you’ve been living with the heavy burden of depression all your life, that’s all you know, and when it’s gone, it’s amazing to find just how light and bright life actually is!

This is still my life verse, and, while I know that I’m still far from perfect, the awareness of my own weaknesses and shortcomings is no longer burdensome, but rather a blessing. I see them as an opportunity for God’s grace to be shown to its fullest extent– in-house Godspotting! While I know that God can leverage my strengths for His glory (now that I am aware that I do have strengths), I still don’t have any qualms about Him working through my weaknesses more.

Although, I have to admit that I still pray that I would be really great and be the best writer, the best managing editor, be rich and famous (or marry a rich and famous man), and for that specter of my old thorn in the flesh to go away (my emotional instability), I’m still grateful that God doesn’t give me all that I ask for and instead tells me, “My grace is sufficient for you.” Because witnessing God’s all-sufficient grace completing my weaknesses and lack is worth all the trouble that they sometimes get me into.

So take heart, you. God’s grace is always enough.

I don’t think any of my friends is a morning person. Most of them are stay-awake-until-morning people, sure, but to willingly get up really early for no urgent reason, not really. So I’m just going to put this idea out there for anybody who would like to try this out.

What if

we sleep early and wake up early? Like 9 or 10 pm early and 4 or 5 am early?

What if

we meet up for breakfast and coffee (well, you guys can have coffee) somewhere in one of those 24 hour places in the Makati CBD area while the rest of the world is asleep and start our day with good company, intelligent conversation, and maybe even prayer to start the day?

What if

we do this once a week?

Wouldn’t that be cool

to get at least one gimmick in with friends once a week and get a good night’s rest too? According to studies, sleep before midnight is twice the quality of sleep we get after midnight that’s why even when we wake up extra early the next morning, we don’t feel groggy or tired.

and wouldn’t that be cool

to walk around Makati before it goes into its rush hour mode? the air is still chilly, and quiet. hardly any cars on the street (which reminds me, I should bring my longboard to the apartment already.).

It’s really a great way to start a day.

What do you say?

(Yes, I am aware of the irony of this post because I know I have a reputation as the girl who never sleeps. But I’m changing my sleeping patterns slowly but surely– except when there are deadlines, like right now. But, anyway… it seems like a good idea while I was walking down my street coming from breakfast this morning at 5:40am.)

Sometimes the night was beautiful
Sometimes the sky was so far away
Sometimes it seemed too steep so close
You could touch it but your heart would break
Sometimes the morning came too soon
Sometimes the day could be so hot
There was so worth much left to do
But so much you’d already done

Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise you
Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise you
And I will seek You in the morning
And I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You’ll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

Sometimes I think of Abraham
How one star he saw had been lit from me
He was a stranger in this land
And I am that no less than he
And on this road to righteousness
Sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
But never beyond Your reach

And I will follow You all of my days
And I will follow You all of my days
And step by step You’ll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

Children of the 80s, remember that Mighty Kid Christmas commercial where the kid in the car gave his shoes to the street kid? The memory still makes me teary-eyed because it was a rather selfless act in a holiday where sometimes it’s about receiving presents. And he was a really cute chubby kid so happy with his shoes until he saw someone who needed them more.

Anyway, my friend is organizing a gift campaign to give shoes to the children in poor communities. all you have to do is pick a kid (or more) by tagging or leaving a comment under his/her pictures. and you can receive his/her shoe outline via email. buy her/him a pair of shoes. I can organize a one-time drop-off at my friend’s if ever you guys want to join. I participated last year and it was nice to go shoe shopping for children who I know don’t get new shoes all that often.

so, game? It’ll certainly make their Christmas.

To see the Facebook album click here.

Don’t you notice that whenever we have somebody come in front in church to do his/her testimony, that person’s already past that crisis/problem/former life and he/she always closes with an everything’sgreatnowpraisetheLord summary? And we all clap and we’re all blessed by the story. Have you ever had that feeling that you want to do that too? Give your story with a happy ending? But in the meantime, you’re right in the middle of something in your life that you still can’t make sense of, and things aren’t following the timeline?

This is what I feel about being a young adult, actually. Like I’m in the middle or at the brink of something that could be great (or horrible) and I have no idea of how I can make sense of what’s happening to me right now. All I know is that I just have to stay on my feet, keep going or be still (but I never really know if i’m supposed to keep on going or be still– I guess, being still is an emotional and spiritual state while moving forward is more of a mental and physical thing). There are days when I feel like I have everything in control and my head’s screwed on straight. And there are days when I’m just dragging my feet, pulled along because I have obligations and deadlines that I have to fulfill because I’m an adult and i have to be a good Christian, dengit! But in those days (like last week until last night), I just feel like giving up and just go on hibernation  until the world is all as it should be.

I love how David described these moments (it’s so accurate),

“I am poured out like water and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me. My strength is dried up like [broken pottery] and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death” (Psalm 22:14-18, NIV).

So what do we do when we’re in the middle? I don’t have exact answers to that, but from what I have experienced, we just have to submit to the process. We may not be able to control what’s happening to us, but we do have a choice on how to respond to it.

Being a Godspotter, I know that God’s right here in the middle with me– with all of us. But sometimes I just know it even if I can’t see or feel anything that tells me that’s true. I know you have those moments too and all we could do is have faith that He is still here with us. I find that in dealing with present pain, what helps the most is not talking about it to a friend (although that’s ok too), it’s in reaching out to another person who is in pain. Hard times build character, and it’s not just a cliche. Hard times show us how strong we really are. When we’re alone and we don’t even think our strength can handle it, God shows how strong He is in our weaknesses.

Of course, not everything in middle is so ma-drama or sad or hard. There is plenty to rejoice about, and things do get fun! But that belongs to another post.

But let me leave you with a continuation to David’s psalm after his lament on verses 14-20:

“I will declare your name to my people;
in the assembly I will praise you.” (Psalm 22:22 NIV)