Archive for June 9th, 2009

“I lied.”

“about what? is this serious?”

and so the talk began.

hard conversations are…well, HARD. it’s always difficult for me to start one, but once i get started, it’s like i’m rolling down a very steep and very slippery slope. i have no control over the speed and direction– even losing my poise as it’s happening. oh, and it gets really messy on the way down. i don’t know why i always have to start difficult conversations, but things do need to be said sometimes, even when it looks like it’s not a good idea at that time.

right now, i just feel like hiding under a rock somewhere far far away until everything that’s been said is forgotten, and we can go back to being normal. but the more rational part of me is just telling me to sit still because precedent shows that these things have a way of working out. it’s just that right now, everything looks like a mess and i don’t know how i’ll be able to show my face in the morning.

well, here’s to tonight’s difficult conversation. it didn’t exactly end in a way that left me with a feeling that i’ll get some good sleep tonight, but i know that it will be ok. it’s already part of the thread that God– the Grand Weaver that He is– is weaving through this wonderful tapestry of eternity. He always has a way of making things work out. and there will come to a point where it will all make sense and it will be the perfect moment.

and while i may not be able to look at myself in the mirror right now (because i’m still feeling really vulnerable and sheepish), i know that someday (hopefully soon), i’ll look back to this and laugh.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 (NIV)

P.S.

I looked up the version in The Message for Romans 8:28 and this came out:
26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Romans 8:28, (The Message)

which speaks exactly into the aforementioned difficult conversation. well played, Lord.

i get it.

(no. the difficult conversation is not about me pregnant. I’M NOT PREGNANT. just in case you’re getting ideas from the “our pregnant condition” in the verse above.)